Big hits hitting big
Steven Seagal trained an Arizona volunteer posse on how to respond to shooting incidents at schools. Steven, that’s Just Nice. I’m sure you’ll be the first responder and leader for the next posse. [We wanted to learn how to be a proper posse, but we had to edit this crappy column.--Eds.]
Bruce Willis said he’s just trying to make his daughters laugh, and he hopes the newest Die Hard movie makes them laugh. Bruce, that’s Quite Nice. There’s nothing funnier than a fourth sequel. [If it feels good, do it.--Eds.]
And Chubby Checker is suing Hewlett-Packard because they are offering an application for Palm OS called the Chubby Checker, which measures penises. Chubby, Go Take a Nap! It would be a great honor to be associated with such a lofty endeavor. [Does measure in pixels?--Eds.]
