Keep at it until it’s over
Justin Bieber plans to take a paternity test when he gets back to America from Europe to put to rest allegations that he got Mariah Yeater pregnant backstage when he was 16. Justin, Go Take a Nap! You don’t need to do a paternity test to prove you aren’t the father. Just wait for the baby to get born and grow up, and if it has amazing hair, it’s your baby. [We're sure he'd make a good father.--Eds.]
The Brooklyn Museum will open an art exhibit which features a controversial piece consisting of ants crawling on a crucifix. Brooklyn Museum, Go Take a Nap! Ants on a crucifix? Nope. Ants in your pants? Yup. [No one would pay to see ants in pants.--Eds.] {I disagree.–Jack Jackson}
After some hubbub, Billy Crystal will now host the Oscars instead of Eddie Murphy. Billy, that’s Just Nice. Your safe and older comedic stylings will no doubt send a strong message to the young audience watching at home. [Hal Linden was unavailable?--Eds.]
And Cheap Trick plans to open a music-themed restaurant in Chicago. Cheap Trick, Go Take a Nap! Just open a restaurant. And make it good. And play music there if you like. But don’t make it a music-themed restaurant. [It sounds like a cheap trick.--Eds.]
