Things are organic
Lady Gaga is suing the makers of Baby Gaga, a breast-milk-flavored ice cream sold at a London shop, for trademark infringement. Lady Gaga, Go Take a Nap! Anyone who knows anything about trademark law knows that breast-milk-flavored ice cream is . . . oops. I just lost my train of thought there. You write the joke. [It wasn't going to be funny, anyway.--Eds.]
Kathy Griffin said she’d host the Tony Awards if asked. Kathy, that’s Quite Nice. Here’s a list of stuff I’d host, if asked: the Oscars; a Minute with Andy Rooney; Comedy Central’s Roast of Hal Linden and Imogene Coca; Batman’s Batman Dance Hour; and an Elton John scented-stone collection party. [Those aren't stones.--Eds.]
Amanda Seyfried admitted that she was scared by the Little Red Riding Hood story as a child. Amanda, Go Take a Nap! That story was obviously way fake. No one could blow a house down and then have the energy to bake kids and eat them. [At least it wasn't a mixed metaphor.--Eds.]
Guy Fieri’s yellow Lamborghini was stolen but it’s been spotted throughout the Bay Area, including on the Golden Gate Bridge and in Tiburon. Guy Fieri’s yellow Lamborghini, Go Take a Nap! He needs you back and he needs you now! He has a bunch of chili dogs he wants to eat in you and look at the camera and say stuff like: “Oh, man, this tastes real good.” [We haven't seen his car around here yet.--Eds.]
And Nick Lachey wrote a fight song for the Big East conference’s men’s basketball tournament. Nick, that’ s Just Nice. Next maybe you can write a fight song for some of the other conferences as well, and then maybe you could put them all onto one tape available at a local record store. [He should make a picture book as a go-with, too.--Eds.]
