Oscars fevers
[Note: Jack Jackson is away on vacation this week. In his place is Billy Halvorson, aged 9, a budding young gossip columnist.-- Eds.]
I got to stay up super-duper late last night because uncle Jack said I had to watch the super-duper boring Oscars show. Mom was cool with it because she says it’s okay that all the celebrities are gay or Jewish as long as they don’t make it legal for gays to marry or smoke weeds. Dad was a different deal cuz he thinks liberal Hollywood people are what’s causing all the tourist attacks. But uncle Jack was ready for that one cuz he just told my dad he could have some Olive Garden Groupons or something as long as I got to stay up and watch the show.
So it was a big deal the hosts were young but the dude looked old to me and my mom said he’s one of the gay Jews who smokes weeds all the time. Dad said the girl probably was a gay Jew, too, but he said she was pretty pretty and that was okay and maybe he was gonna see some of her movies soon.
It was a real ripoff Toy Story 3 only won best animation movie but not best movie. Who wants to watch some old English guy learn to talk? And a movie about Facebook has to be lame. I’m on Facebook and other than Farmville there’s not much fun to do.
Some people died again and they showed them all and then some way old guy came out and I thought he was going to die right there and dad said the old dude was probably the only not gay Jew in the whole show and mom said she thought he was Jewish but dad didn’t want to talk about it and no one bothered to look it up on the Internet so I guess it doesn’t matter.
And dad almost switched it off after that one lady swore on TV but we couldn’t hear it and dad asked mom what she said and she spelled it for dad and I could totally tell what swear word it was anyway the first time on TV.
OK gotta go. Dad says I can’t spend anymore time on this or else I won’t be a four sport athlete.
