We can deal with you sober
Charlie Sheen said he’s ready to get back to work on Two and a Half Men. Charlie, that’s Just Nice. But you gotta give me some time to catch up with all the episodes on the DVR machine first, because Two and a Half Men is like a box of really rich chocolates: you have to savor each one and indulge sparingly, or else you’ll get sick from it all. [We watch the episodes but don't skip the commercials to provide a more even pacing.--Eds.]
Charlie also said that being sober made him bored. Charlie, that’s Just Nice. It’s a sign of intelligence to know what one likes and dislikes, and it’s good to know that you like partying with five women and a suitcase of cocaine. [Allegedly.--Eds.]
Tiger Woods tweeted an apology for spitting on the 12th green at the Dubai Desert Classic. Tiger, Go Take a Nap! You don’t need to apologize for anything you do. You’re the world’s number-one golfer, you’ve got tons of endorsement deals, the cash is flowing in like crazy, and you’ve got a loving wife and family. [This isn't 2008.--Eds.]
Justin Bieber apparently posed for some red-carpet Grammy pictures with his fly unzipped, but it was unzipped in a non-meaningful way and all you could see was more pants. Bieber, Go Take a Nap! If you’re gonna run around without zipping up your pants, you shouldn’t pose for pictures. [He is only 16.--Eds.]
More good news for the Bieber: he won the MVP trophy at the NBA All-Star celebrity game, and Rick Fox said Bieber has the softest hair. Bieber, that’s Really Quite Nice. That kind of compliment from a real NBA star means you’ve finally made it. [Where, we don't know.--Eds.]
Michael Jackson’s estate has earned over $310Million since his death in 2009, but his estate reportedly had over $400Million in debt when he died. Michael Jackson, Go Take a (dirt) Nap! Do you have any idea how many cheap tacos $400Million can buy you? [800 million?--Eds.] {Maybe 1600 million.–Jack Jackson}
And Baz Luhrmann is slated to direct a 3-D version of The Great Gatsby starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Baz, Go Take a Nap! Unless you go whole hog and film it in 3-D IMAX, I fail to see how the effort will be worthwhile. [Maybe it'll look cool on a really big TV?--Eds.]
