Je suis Jack

•January 18, 2015 • Comments Off

Katy Perry has been calling the Super Bowl the Puppy Bowl in order to minimize the pressure of her halftime show. Katy, Go Take a Nap! There’s nothing low-pressure about the Puppy Bowl! [She should call it the Kitty Half-time Show.–Eds.]

The New Orleans Jazz Festival will feature Elton John, The Who, No Doubt, and Tony Bennet with Lady Gaga. New Orleans Jazz Festival, Go Take a Nap! What, weren’t Stan Getz or Bill Evans available? [Um, no.–Eds.]

And George Lucas called the Oscars a political campaign after Selma was generally snubbed from the list of nominations. George, Go Take a Nap! Making movies is not a competition! [Unless it’s a competition.–Eds.]

Disdress

•January 11, 2015 • Comments Off

Justin Bieber broke his foot playing soccer on vacation in Turks and Caicos. Bieber, Go Take a Nap! We can’t have you running around breaking your feet! You have a lot of singing and dancing to do. [Maybe Bono has some rehab advice?–Eds.]

Thousands have signed an online petition requesting TLC’s My Husband’s Not Gay, a show about Mormon men attracted to men but nonetheless married to women. TLC, Go Take a Nap! That’s such a misleading title! The show should be called My Husband Is Gay, Because He’s Attracted to Men. [They might be homoflexible.–Eds.]

And Jay-Z said that hip hop has done more for racial relations than most cultural icons, except for Martin Luther King, Jr. Jay-Z, that’s Just Nice. All we are saying, is give hip hop a chance. [We think screamocore has done quite a bit for society, too.–Eds.]

Qualification metrics

•January 4, 2015 • Comments Off

Bono said recovering from his cycling accident injuries has been more difficult than he originally thought, and that he isn’t sure he’ll ever be able to play guitar again. Bono, Go Take a Nap! So what if you can’t play guitar again?! You can always learn a new instrument, like the theremin! [Autoharp?–Eds.]

Arnold Schwarzenegger has told his son Patrick that he must stop dating Miley Cyrus or risk losing his $49million trust fund. Arnold, Go Take a Nap! You can’t threaten real love with loss of money! You’re just going to drive them closer and alienate them from you! [Hasn’t anyone seen Romeo and Juliet?–Eds.]

And Sylvester Stallone announced that the final Rambo movie will be called Rambo: Last Blood. Sylvester, that’s Just Nice. But First Blood: Last Rambo is a much, much better title. [What about Rambo 5: First Blood Part 3?–Eds.]

Pre-seeding

•December 29, 2014 • Comments Off

Rush Limbaugh said Idris Alba can’t play James Bond because James Bond is a white man from Scotland. Rush, Go Take a Nap! If we can have a black Annie, we can have a black James Bond. [Race is a social construct.–Eds.]

Forbes declared Adam Sandler the most overpaid actor for the second year in a row, earning only $3.20 for each $1.00 paid. Forbes, Go Take a Nap! Getting $3.20 for each $1.00 spent is a pretty good investment! That’s like spending $1.00 to get two cheap tacos, but instead you get 6.4 cheap tacos! [It’s Economics 101.–Eds.]

And otherwise-unknown Jess Smith announced she was the infant face of the sun for the Teletubbies. Jess, that’s Really Quite Nice. But I was hoping it was some kind of alien baby that glows like the sun. [We were hoping it was a visitor from another dimension.–Eds.]

Mr. Hui’s (Lincoln)

•December 26, 2014 • Comments Off

I’ve been to Mr. Hui’s (#1) for dining in, and Mr. Hui’s (#2) for take out. I was told by a Chinese friend that Mr. Hui’s has some of the most authentic Chinese dishes in town, and you don’t have to ask for the secret menu.

Simply, crisped chicken.

Simply, crisped chicken.

I’d heard that their authentic specialties are their crisped dishes, which are what you’d think: lightly floured and fried foods. The crisped chicken had a strong hint of five-spice powder, something I’m not too fond of because a little can go a long way. What I found particularly strange about the crisped chicken is that that’s all you get: crisped chicken. Oh, and rice. Oh, and four leaves of cilantro. Oh, and a couple of very thin sliced red peppers. In my mind, this is just a Chinese version of popcorn chicken, but better done than say, at Popeye’s. I really wouldn’t order this again because I want vegetables or some sauce with my entrees.

Kung Pao chicken.

Kung Pao chicken.

Ripshaw got cold feet on the authentic menu, so he had a tried and true Kung Pao chicken. You notice at Mr. Hui’s that every ingredient seems to be a little fresher or better chosen. The dish was lightly fried and not too oily (and it came with vegetables!). The crab rangoon were fresh and possibly too full of cream cheese.

The egg rolls are not as good as the fried spring rolls, only because the egg rolls have a traditional, thicker wonton wrapper. The fried spring rolls have a thinner wrapper, more like you would see at a Vietnamese restaurant.

Since dining in at #1, I have had take out at #2 and have enjoyed the egg-drop soup, the hot-and-sour soup, chicken chow mein (which strangely comes with lo mein noodles and you get a bag of chow mein noodles on the side), sizzling beef, and chicken with cilantro. So far, everything has been good, and I look forward to trying more dishes. I don’t think I’ll ever get the crisped chicken again, because it’s weird to just eat a bunch of fried chicken bites.

Mr. Hui'S on Urbanspoon

MōMō (Lincoln)

•December 26, 2014 • Comments Off

You should probably be suspicious of any restaurant that has the temerity (audacity?) to use diacritical marks on its name to make sure you know how to properly pronounce it, as is the case with MōMō. Maybe they are worried people will pronounce it MuuMuu?

As with far too many of Lincoln’s “nicer” restaurants, nice means a strip mall, easy parking, a gas fireplace, and summertime seating with a gorgeous view of the parking lot. Maybe that’s so people can look at their SUVs while enjoying a light Chianti.

An excellent meatball, good marinara.

An excellent meatball, good marinara.

The service is very good at MōMō, but the food is generally pricier and not as good as similar counterparts. However, Ripshaw and I started with the meatballs and they were very savory with a good marinara sauce. They were by far the best dish we encountered.

An unexcellent creation.

An unexcellent creation.

Unfortunately, MōMō serves up an attempt at Neapolitan pizzas from a wood-fired oven. The classic Margherita showed up with a crust that was far too thick and seemed like it had the texture of a pre-made, frozen dough. A short trip to Omaha is in order for MōMō staff to try out Dante or Pitch, to see what crust should look and taste like.

Italian beef mediocrity.

Italian beef mediocrity.

I opted for an Italian beef sandwich, because I love Italian beef sandwiches, and MōMō offers house-made giardiniera. As you can tell by the picture, it is a little laughable to be served this sandwich with such a small dipping cup. You can’t fit the sandwich in the cup, so I guess I was supposed to pour it on the sandwich, which I didn’t want to do. Again, MōMō staff should visit Chicago and try Mr. Beef or Al’s Beef to understand what’s what. You can get superior sandwiches at both places for half the price.

When in Rome, eat Roman food. When at MōMō, stick to the meatballs.

Mōmō Pizzeria Ristorante on Urbanspoon

Chicka Munga

•December 21, 2014 • Comments Off

Mark Hamill said he doesn’t like having to grow a Jedi beard. Mark, Go Take a Nap! Jedi beards are cool, and they mean your are super-wise and know all kinds of things about the Force. [Yoda’s beard was kind of weak.–Eds.]

Burt Reynolds’ Bandit Trans Am sold for $480,000 at auction. Burt, that’s Just Nice. But do you have any idea how many cheap tacos that would buy? That’s, like, 960,000 cheap tacos! [Or 1.92 million really cheap tacos.–Eds.]

Jamie Dornan went to a professional sex dungeon to learn more about kinky sex. Jamie, Go Take a Nap! You don’t need to go to a sex dungeon to learn about kinky sex! You just go and have kinky sex! [You can put it anywhere.–Eds.]

Madonna said that early leaked demos of her new album were like a form of terrorism and artistic rape. Madonna, Go Take a Nap! Leaked demos are not terrorism or artistic rape! They’re just leaked demos. [Maybe she didn’t want anyone to hear them until they were just right.–Eds.]

And Elton John and David Furnish got married for the second time. Elton and David, that’s Quite Nice. But once is enough, don’t you think? [Third time’s the charm.–Eds.]

Whiksey

•December 14, 2014 • Comments Off

Angelina Jolie said she has chicken pox and would not be able to attend the premiere of her new movie, Unbroken. Angelina, Go Take a Nap! Chicken pox is just an itchy disease. Get to the premiere and pay someone to scratch your itches! [She could afford two or three people to scratch her itches.–Eds.]

Joaquin Phoenix said he lied about being engaged to his yoga instructor to spice up his boring life. Joaquin, Go Take a Nap! Getting engaged isn’t spicy at all! If you want to spice up your life, snap into a Slim Jim! [Or have the Kool-Aid Man over for dinner?–Eds.]

Paul Rosolie failed to capture and be eaten by an anaconda on the Discovery Channel. Paul, Go Take a Nap! If you tell people you’re going to capture and be eaten by an anaconda, you better capture and be eaten by an anaconda. [Maybe he could write a blues song about it.–Eds.]

And Michael Keaton said that he was Batman. Michael, that’s Quite Nice. But we all know Adam West is the only one true Batman. [We’re not Batman.–Eds.]

Get got

•December 7, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Paul McCartney said he is upset that he spends a ton of time on making music but kids listen to it on crappy headphones. Paul, Go Take a Nap! We aren’t all billionaires like you who can afford billion-dollar headphones! [We like listening to Wings in our car.–Eds.]

Roger Moore is excited by the idea that Blofeld might be making a comeback in the new James Bond Spectre movie, but director Sam Mendes says not to assume Blofeld will be in the movie. Roger and Sam, Go Take Two Naps! Is Blofeld in the movie or not? [Probably.–Eds.]

Stephen Hawking claimed he would make an ideal James Bond villain because of his wheelchair and computerized voice. Stephen, that’s Just Nice. But your wheelchair could never escape a black hole. [That’s not the point.–Eds.]

And Elton John said he’s been friends with Rush Limbaugh for several years, talking to him about queer issues. Elton, that’s Really Quite Nice. Everyone needs friends, including Rush. [There are a lot of queer issues.–Eds.]

Sweety

•November 30, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Shia LaBeouf said a woman whipped his legs for 10 minutes and raped him during his #IAMSORRY performance art. Shia, Go Take a Nap! After the first five minutes of leg whipping, you should’ve known something was awry. [Or amiss.–Eds.]

Lars von Trier worries that he will not be able to make films now that he no longer drinks or uses drugs. Lars, Go Take a Nap! You don’t need to sober up to stop making movies! Just stop making movies! [We hope he quits making movies.–Eds.]

And Freddie Prinze Jr. is recovering from spinal surgery and learning to walk again. Freddie, that’s Really Quite Nice. Get healthy so we can get another Scooby Doo movie! [Where’s Scooby-Dum?–Eds.]